I was working on a blog post about darkness for D, but frankly, it was… well dark. And I couldn’t really get it done the way I wanted. So I’ve been struggling to come up with an easier D word. Now I’ve got D words coming out the ying yang, so thanks A to Z. Most of them are rather depressing – demons, demonizing, death, doom and gloom, discipline, dysfunction, desperate, different, determined, dare. So the irony is that I could write about four or five D posts now.
Instead, I’ve decided to go in a more positive direction. My favorite verse is “Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not depend on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5)
Who or what do we depend on? I depend on my own understanding. A lot. I also depend on circumstances or relationships sometimes. And of course many of us have crutches and escapes that we depend on to get us through our days – from the obvious drugs and alcohol to electronic screens and keeping busy.
Why is it so hard to depend on God? I don’t “do” trust very well. It means admitting that He knows me better than I know myself. That He knows my desires and will take care of them better than I can. I think I know what will make me happy. I’ve made choices in the past that I was sure would bring me fulfillment and happiness in the long term. But I’ve been wrong. More than once.
It’s difficult for me to be still. And quiet. And wait on God. But ultimately I know He’s the only One I can really depend on. He’s the only One big enough to handle my darkness and all those other awful D words that can consume me. He’s the only One who really knows me and is looking out for my best interests, always and unconditionally. Now if I could just remember that…..