Fear

Well, this week was Christmas and we had a nice time. We stayed here in Indiana, so it was relatively relaxing - that part of it anyway. We made pumpkin pancakes and had sausage and eggs for dinner last night, and it's nice for Ken to have some time off. We got the movie Up and it's such a cute movie with a good message. The message: you can't get so tied up in what you've lost that you miss out on what's in front of you. A message I probably need. We're going through a lot of changes, and as I read the other day "When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us." - Helen Keller
Pretty appropriate. But I am totally scared to death right now. Found out that I will be substitute teaching once the holidays are over. And honestly...I AM PETRIFIED. I'm worried about finding a full-time job and overwhelmed with those prospects. And in *theory*, substitute teaching elementary school kids seems like a good idea in the meantime. But when it comes down to actually going in there and doing it, I'm scared to death. Going in to different schools that I am unfamiliar with, not to mention finding the schools themselves, and managing 20 kids at a time with no formal training, ugh! I'm wondering if I can really do it. Then there's the task of teaching from different curricula when, again, I have no teaching background...Oh, the more I think about it, the more I feel sick.

BUT, with all of that said, I don't want to look back when I'm 80 and wish I'd have tried something different. Just to see if I might have liked it. Or taken a chance. A risk. Whatever. In a year, five years, ten years from now it won't be a big deal. Whether it ends up being something that works out or whether I fall flat on my face. So I'm trying to look at it from that point of view and take it one day at a time and not get too overwhelmed by preparing a little at a time.

I'm just scared. But trying to trust that God will be with me. Whatever happens. Can't wait to look back on this at this time next year and see how it turned out.......