S - Skipping

S is for skipping. Yes, I am skipping the letter S. Why? Because I’m behind and because I don’t have anything good in mind for that letter. Yeah, I know there are lots of great words that start with S. Sunshine. Silence. Stillness. Sinister. And I’m pretty sure it’s the most popular letter on Wheel of Fortune. Still, I’m skipping it. So sue me.

R - Relationships

Not the hokey pokey. Relationships. That’s what life is all about. Not work or money. Not success or fame. We may spend lots of time trying to chase those things because they seem like they’re what it’s all about. But when it comes down to it, it’s about relationships. It applies in parenting too. It’s also very easy to forget in parenting. We’re so busy with the daily details of getting kids to school, to practice, to bed, feeding them, etc. etc. etc., that we can forget that it’s not about all the things we do for them. It’s about having a relationship with them. That’s what we must pursue with everything in our being. Why? Because sometimes relationships are hard. Now it’s hard to see this when you’re looking at your sweet little cooing baby. But wait until they hit eleven or twelve and suddenly get an attitude. They talk back; they fight you on everything. It feels like they are the enemy. This is when it gets tough. But this is when we have to remember that that’s what parenting is about. About loving our kid unconditionally and pursuing that relationship with the child even when said child is being more difficult to get along with than we could ever fathom. About not giving up when we don’t know how to reach them. About forgiving them and forgiving ourselves when we fail every single day. About choosing to take an interest in something we don’t give a hoot about simply because they do. About listening to them when they are ready to talk and not demanding they talk to us on *our* time table. About being there for them even when it’s inconvenient for us. About loving that kid when he’s at his most unlovable.

                                                                     

It’s hard. So hard. Harder than I ever dreamed at times. But that’s what relationships are about. No one ever said parenting was easy. No one ever said life was easy. Nothing great ever is.

Q - Quiet

                          “In quietness and trust is your strength” Isaiah 30:15

I am learning to appreciate the value of quiet. Chaos swirls around me most days with a toddler, a preteen and a big pup in our home. I know that one day I will miss the noise and craziness. But it also makes me treasure the quiet times. Early morning when one’s at school and the other is sleeping. Late evenings when everyone else is in bed. Our culture likes noise; we’re surrounded by it. It’s like we’re afraid to be silent, to be still, to be alone with our thoughts. When I walk our dog sometimes at night, I see televisions glowing in most of the homes.

Even when we can silence our surroundings, it can still be tough to quiet our minds. Last year our church had a day-long retreat. One of the exercises involved being silent in order to hear from God. We had to simply sit in silence for fifteen or twenty minutes and try to quiet our minds and listen. Most of us found it hard to stop our thoughts from racing. 

Why is it so hard to just be quiet? For me, at least, I think it’s partly because I am constantly trying to figure things out or to control things in my world. Or maybe we feel like our worth lies in doing enough, in accomplishment. We don’t want one minute of downtime. That would be wasted time. But is it?

Quiet can restore us; it can calm us. It enables us to tackle our busy life with renewed vigor. And as the verse says, that’s where our strength is. That’s where God speaks to us. In the quiet. In the stillness. Deep within our hearts. Could it be that that’s what we are afraid of? Is that what we run from?

P - Present

No one is present where they are anymore. At least, that’s how it seems. This is one of my pet peeves. I go to the grocery store, and people are on their cell phones. The other night I saw a couple walking through the neighborhood. Both were on cell phones. We have to wait; what do we do? Get out the phone or electronic device. God forbid we actually engage right where we are.

Not that technology is a bad thing. Certainly there are times it makes life much easier. But we take a good thing and abuse it. Suddenly we can’t be anywhere without our crutches. What if we actually had to talk to the clerk in the store? Or, God forbid, be a little bored for five minutes? It’s not going to kill us.

And what are our kids learning from all this? How can we expect them to have any sort of ability to focus or pay attention when we don’t? What message does it send to them that we spend so much time on these diversions and get irritated when they interrupt or distract us?

Fact is, the present is all we really have. We’re not guaranteed anything else. We need to embrace what’s right in front of us. I have a feeling that when we get to the end of our lives, we won’t be wishing that we had spent more time with our electronics. We’ll be wishing we’d spent more time being really present. Right where we were.

O - Overwhelmed

O is for overwhelmed. Obviously. Or can you not tell? Oh, where are M & N? Over the rainbow. On the trash heap. Ok, I can’t keep this up much longer; it’s just annoying.

I overwhelm easily. It doesn’t take much. I actually had M and N posts. I made notes and everything. Lots of thoughts in my head. Maybe I will flesh them out after the A to Z challenge and post them. For now, I cannot let the overwhelm get the best of me. Onward I go.

Life throws a lot at us. The house is such a mess, we don’t know where to start. We can’t even get dinner on the table because the baby is screaming, the dog’s chewing something and we can’t find a clean pot.

I’m certainly no expert because I still struggle with it. But what does help me is to focus on this: one thing. Just do something. One thing. The only thing that maybe I know to do. It may not feel like much. But it’s one step in the right direction. When I have a pile of dishes or papers that overwhelms me, I sometimes use this trick. Every time I walk by said pile, I clean up one thing. Just one. At first, it doesn’t feel like I’m doing much. But it’s also easy and non-threatening. And eventually you get to where you can see progress. It’s amazing how your point of view changes when you can see a little progress. You’re not so overwhelmed anymore.

This can be applied to bigger things too. You may not have a clue how to solve world hunger, but you can donate to or volunteer at your local soup kitchen. You may not be able to do anything about the partisan political climate, but you can stop demonizing those who disagree with you. You may not be able to bring about world peace singlehandedly, but you can stop belittling your child.

You don’t have to do it all. Just do one thing. Just one. Try it.

L - Life Lessons

Yep. I’m skipping J and K. Why? Well, the perfectionist in me really really wants to write a J post and a K post. But the realist in me knows that the further behind I get, the more overwhelmed I will be. And giving up isn’t far behind.

 Sometimes life is like that. You get further and further behind and just cannot catch up. I have learned that you just have to jump in where you are. (Well, shoot, that would have been a J post, wouldn’t it?) You have to leave behind what you haven’t done. You have to cut yourself some slack and look forward. Otherwise it’s too easy to just give up. Believe me, I’ve almost given up on this challenge already and it’s not quite half over. Sometimes you just gotta squeeze by. And that’s okay. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to be a little lazy, to write not as well as you’d like, to just do it versus doing it well. To show yourself some love. I was watching a talk show where the co-host was saying that we are all okay. That was her message. We just need to accept ourselves – faults and all. We are okay. Even when we can’t write a coherent post. Or when we fall behind in the A to Z Challenge. Or we can't say no to the raspberry chocolate chunk ice cream. We are okay. I am okay. And that, boys and girls, is your life lesson for today.

I - If

I've never been much for poetry. It's just not my thing. But one poem has always stuck with me. I was forced to memorize it in junior high. Now that I'm an adult, I find it even more inspiring and insightful. 

First, my spin on his poem. Because I could never follow his lovely words. My apologies to Mr. Kipling.

 If - by Cheryl Johnson

If you can keep your head when all around you

You’re always cleaning up some pee or poo;

If you can trust yourself when your kids doubt you

And accept the fact your life is now a zoo;

If piles of dirty laundry overwhelm you

And you’re so sick of hearing “That’s not fair!”

If all you want is just some peace and quiet

And no more ‘Mom, I’m out of underwear!”

If thoughts of making one more lunch or dinner

Make you want to gouge your eyes right out

And every day you’re making the same promise –

*Today* will be the day I will not shout.

If you can’t sit down for even two minutes,

If all the bedtime battles leave you spent

If every single day you feel like leaving

And you’re wondering when the wall got that new dent

If you love your children more than life itself,

Although your life is no longer your own;

You know you’ve learned much more than you have taught,

Then join the ranks of Moms; you’re not alone.

 Now for the real thing.

If

by Rudyard Kipling


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!