Fear

Well, this week was Christmas and we had a nice time. We stayed here in Indiana, so it was relatively relaxing - that part of it anyway. We made pumpkin pancakes and had sausage and eggs for dinner last night, and it's nice for Ken to have some time off. We got the movie Up and it's such a cute movie with a good message. The message: you can't get so tied up in what you've lost that you miss out on what's in front of you. A message I probably need. We're going through a lot of changes, and as I read the other day "When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us." - Helen Keller
Pretty appropriate. But I am totally scared to death right now. Found out that I will be substitute teaching once the holidays are over. And honestly...I AM PETRIFIED. I'm worried about finding a full-time job and overwhelmed with those prospects. And in *theory*, substitute teaching elementary school kids seems like a good idea in the meantime. But when it comes down to actually going in there and doing it, I'm scared to death. Going in to different schools that I am unfamiliar with, not to mention finding the schools themselves, and managing 20 kids at a time with no formal training, ugh! I'm wondering if I can really do it. Then there's the task of teaching from different curricula when, again, I have no teaching background...Oh, the more I think about it, the more I feel sick.

BUT, with all of that said, I don't want to look back when I'm 80 and wish I'd have tried something different. Just to see if I might have liked it. Or taken a chance. A risk. Whatever. In a year, five years, ten years from now it won't be a big deal. Whether it ends up being something that works out or whether I fall flat on my face. So I'm trying to look at it from that point of view and take it one day at a time and not get too overwhelmed by preparing a little at a time.

I'm just scared. But trying to trust that God will be with me. Whatever happens. Can't wait to look back on this at this time next year and see how it turned out.......

The Search for a Church

So we've run the gamut of churches up here in southern Indiana and are getting a little (well, honestly more than a little) frustrated at not being able to find one. We've been to everything from a beautiful old Episcopal church to a kind of creepy "Word of Faith" church to the rock concert-y megachurch to the very traditional Presbyterian church where they still sing hymns and the average age is about 60. We started by visiting several of the popular mega-churches around.

Church #1 - just too big. Feels like an amphitheatre. Also, their contemporary music is a little too rock concert-y for us. More like a big production than a worship experience sometimes. Almost need binoculars to see the stage. Did have to give them credit for good sermons, though.
Second big mega-church - it's so big that it's actually an offshoot of a GINORMOUS church in Louisville. This one I didn't mind, but hubby didn't like because they don't have a live person doing the message/sermon. It's televised from the GINORMOUS church in Louisville via satellite. Hubby's comment: "If I want to watch television, I can stay home and do that." Can't argue with that.

Okay. Enough with the mega-churches. So we decide to try some others. We try to find this one Presbyterian church that sounds promising and, being new to the area and having problems with our Mapquest printout, totally can't find it. No problem. We'll just pop into whatever church we *can* find which happens to be a beautiful old Episcopal church. Only problem was we got there with about 15 minutes left. Apparently the service had started at 10:00 am. Oops!

All right. Trying again. Next Sunday. We find that Presbyterian church that were unable to find before. Well, this one's *too* traditional. Not many people our age. Hymns. Kind of boring. It was just okay.

Next, we find one that sounds interesting. What we didn't know is that it was one of those Word of Faith churches. "Just give me all your money and God will bless you". Oh my. That was the basic gist. Felt like one of those televangelist churches from tv. That one was out. Hubby actually had a visceral reaction to this one. Was creeped out. So that was the end of that one.

Baptist churches are out because of the whole women not being allowed to lead thing, so we try another Presbyterian church, trying not to get our hopes up. Well, the people seemed nice, but the average age of the congregation members, in my estimation was about 60 and I was half falling asleep during the hymns.

Why are churches here either rockin' productions or so traditional that you're falling asleep??? Where's the in-between? Where are the churches that have both young families with children and older people, that incorporate both hymns and contemporary praise songs? And what happened to Sunday School?

Actually we did find one church that we both liked. Smaller but does have contemporary music without being rock bandish and a very down-to-earth, raw, unpretentious pastor. Unlike any church we've ever attended. But wouldn't you know it - it's half an hour away! We've tried to make it work, but it's just too far for us to get as involved as we'd like. sigh.....oh well, we'll keep looking...