V & W - Value and Worth

I’ll be honest. I’m on my last leg with this A to Z challenge. I’m barely hobbling in here. I totally skipped T and U. But I’m determined to drag myself to the finish line if at all possible. So I’m combining V and W and hoping I’ll come up with an X, Y and Z post cuz I got nothin’ at this point. But I guess the upside to all this is that I’ve done a lot of writing in the last month. Anyway, on to V and W. Incidentally, since I’m rambling, my first car was a VW bug……

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Know your value; know your worth. I think women, for some reason more than men, struggle with this. Or maybe men just deal with it in different ways or hide it better than we do. I don’t know b/c I’m not a guy. I can only speak for myself, and I have always struggled with this particular issue.

Now I’m not talking about an arrogant, princess-y, wait-on-me-hand-and-foot kinda attitude. That’s just obnoxious. I’m talking more of a deep down “I am worth it” kind of thinking.

We put up with stuff because we don’t realize how valuable we are or because we are used to being treated in less than respectful ways. It feels normal to be dismissed or belittled and we may not even be conscious of what’s happening. We get in or stay in relationships because we don’t think anyone else will have us and we’d better take what we can get.

It can be hard to believe we are enough because it seldom feels that way. We get messages from all around us that we are not. Culture’s constantly telling us we need this or that to be worth something.  We need to look a certain way. We’re just not enough the way we are. Or maybe the people who are supposed to love and cherish you are the ones who have beaten you down for so long. After awhile, in your core, you believe the lie. Because it feels true.

So what do we do? How do we change? Well, we walk in the truth that we are valuable and worth it. I’ve had to start with baby steps. When I’m being screamed at, I can tell them that I’ll talk to them when they speak to me respectfully. And then follow through by not engaging with them until they do. Sometimes it’s little nuances that can make a big difference. And of course we have to treat others, especially our children, with the respect and honor that we want to be treated with. How often do I speak disrespectfully to my children? How often am I demeaning and dismissive of them and their concerns? Yet I expect them to be respectful of me and to listen to me. Yeah, it’s a big cycle. And the only one we can change is our self. But that usually makes all the difference. And we are worth it. We are worth the work that it takes to change.

S - Struggle

If there’s one thing I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older, it’s that we all struggle with personal demons. It could be a situation we are unhappy with. It might be dysfunction that prevents us from being who we want to be. It could be health issues or relationship or financial issues. The question is not whether we’re going to struggle; it’s how we’re going to handle the battle. We can blame others. We can resent the situation. We can play the victim because we feel helpless and hopeless. Or we can look for solutions. We can look for a better way to handle things. We can mine for the lessons we need to take from our struggles and let them make us stronger. We can choose to face them from a place of strength. We can let them make us more compassionate and softer or bitter and angry. As with most things in life, it’s not the initial problem that’s the problem. It’s how we choose to handle it that matters. It’s not so much about the problem as it is about how we respond. 

Here’s an example of what I mean. A few years ago I ordered some study materials for continuing education from a company. A few weeks after I received my materials, I realized part of my order was not what I needed and wouldn’t count for credit. Suffice it to say that the whole process involved a lot of stress for me, so I was livid. I called the company. Now whether it was my fault for not being careful enough when ordering is up for debate. And certainly the company could have gotten an attitude and told me I needed to be more careful, that they can’t monitor everyone’s continuing education requirements, yada yada yada. Maybe I was the cause of the problem. But do you know what they did? They allowed me to send it back, refunded my money, helped me to find something that would work and even gave me an extra coupon. Because they handled it so well, they got a loyal customer. Out of a problem. It applies to our personal struggles as well. We can fuss and fume that we have these struggles. Or we can roll up our sleeves, decide to accept the challenge and dig deep. What’s that saying? What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Be strong. If you don’t think you’re strong, because I totally get that, dig deep until you find that strength. It’s there. It is. You know… maybe that’s what the struggles are for – to bring out our strengths. Like mining for jewels.

R - Right thing

Do the right thing. Do the right thing when you see no good reason to. Do the right thing when the person doesn’t deserve your thoughtfulness. Do it when you see no possible payoff. Do it when no one will know or give you accolades. Do the right thing even though no one else is doing the right thing. Do it even if you have to do it alone. Sometimes you know in your gut what the right thing is to do. You just need to do it. Period.  

Q - Quiet

I was going to do a post about quiet – as in the good kind. When you have wild kids running around all the time, quiet is a sought-after commodity. Quiet can be softly flowing streams and peaceful moonlit nights.

But sometimes quiet can be bad. For example, when you put yourself out there - let’s just   say, writing a blog post or something random like that - and no one responds. Crickets. Silence. Quiet. There’s nothing worse than an awkward, quiet pause when you say something and it’s not received in the way you expected. The worst is when God seems silent, and we get nothing from Him when we need it the most.

Today is the Saturday before Easter. Not Friday with all of the commotion and tumult of the crucifixion. Not Sunday when Jesus conquered death and hell by raising from the dead. But Saturday. Dead quiet Saturday. He was just….gone. It was quiet. Can you imagine how they must have been grieving? To have been walking and living beside Jesus and then to watch Him die? Surely they must have wondered where God was. Why didn’t He intervene? Why didn’t He comfort them? Did He care at all? They were in pain, and where was He? He was silent. Quiet. Crickets.

You just want a shred of evidence that He’s there. And there’s not one. That’s tough. That’s when it takes faith. I guess it wouldn’t be faith if we could see the evidence. Maybe that’s why the verse says, “We walk by faith, not by sight.”

That’s really hard for me. I don’t like it when He’s quiet. I interpret silence on the other end as not caring. I am so bad at faith and trust.

But what is the truth? We think He’s forgotten, but He’s there. He’s been there all along.

That’s what we have to cling to. The truth. Not what it feels like the truth is. But the truth itself. Over and over He tells us that He is with us. Always. Even when there’s no indication that He is. That’s what we have to hold on to. For dear life. 

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There's a song by Barlow Girl that I love. I can't get it to post, so for now, I will just leave you with the lyrics that say it all....

"I cry out with no reply and I can't feel you by my side. So I'll hold tight to what I know...You're here...and I'm never alone."

P- Peace

That ever-elusive peace. Isn’t that all we really want when it comes down to it? I know I crave it. I treasure the rare moments I actually feel relatively at peace with the world. Especially after the last week when I’ve been feeling unusually panicky for some unknown reason. When you struggle with a bunch of feelings, worries, and anxieties, it makes you appreciate it all the more when you finally feel at peace. We try so hard to attain it. We pursue wealth relentlessly, hoping that we reach the point where we are “there”, we’ve arrived and we can rest easy. But does that ever really happen? No. We buy nice houses and cars and gadgets so that we will feel comfortable and maybe at peace. But does it work? Not really. Not in the long-term.

So how do we get it? Sometimes it takes getting still and quiet and tuning out all the noise around us. But even then there can be a lot of noise in our heads. Ok, my head has a lot of noise anyway. I think the key is to know where to turn. To God. I know it, but I don’t always remember it. Or I still go elsewhere, hoping to find it. I love how my son’s Bible puts it in Philippians. “Don’t worry about anything. Instead, tell God about everything. Ask and pray. Give thanks to Him. Then God’s peace will wash over your hearts and minds…”

O - Only

When I wrote my N post, I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with thoughts, feelings, panic, fear, anxiety, you name it. Sometimes life is just hard; I don’t want to get out of bed. Life can overwhelm. Plain and simple.

Only love today. That’s the mantra of one of my favorite blogs. Sometimes you just have to stop and go to Nothing. Just sit. Be still. Be content with well, nothing. You have to deconstruct and start with something simple. Like Only Love Today. Or I would say, Only God. He’s the source of love, so without Him there is no love.

It’s too easy to respond to the overwhelm and the difficulties of life with bitterness, harshness, anger, hatred and all the rest. I read a quote yesterday from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.: “Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” It’s kind of another take on “Overcome evil with good.”

That’s why I love the simplicity of the “only love today” quote. Remember to love ourselves, our kids, our spouses, those all around us. Only love. Only kindness. Only grace. Only good. When someone’s unkind or thoughtless toward us, choose love. It’s the harder choice sometimes, oftentimes. But it’s what we all need. When I’m hurting the most, that’s when I’m at my angriest, my meanest, my nastiest. That's when I most need someone to just be kind to me. 

Only love today.

N is for.....

Nothing....Just....Nothing.